afraid.

I am afraid when my secondary school friend calls me, cries on the phone, and tells of the break-up incidents with her and her boyfriend. I can't console people that well, and most of the time I can't make out what she is saying because she is crying at the same time. Honestly, I feel trapped when she calls me and I can't do anything to help. My other friend and I feel kinda sick when my friend and her boyfriend always quarrel and talk about breaking up. They are both under the star sign Sagittarius, and their behaviors are the same. I don't really know why they get into fights that often, and it really kills me when my friend has to call for help, when I can't even help. I just hate it when the both of them fight, because it not only affects the two of them, but me and my other friend as well.

(sigh) My mum tells me not to continue being friends with this friend, because the fights that my friend and her boyfriend has would affect me, and I think it would and has affected me quite a bit. I am afraid of fights generally, be it verbal or physical. I am quite afraid of going into relationships with the opposite sex because of my friend's influence, and afraid of the fights that could break out during/in that relationships. I should count myself lucky because I don't have a boyfriend now, but if I were to have one, it would be older guy, and not someone around the same age as me, or even younger. That guy must not be Singaporean, because I don't think there are any gentlemen left in Singapore. Other than these factors, I have not interested in a relationship, because it will hinder my studies, take up my time, money and effort to keep the relationship healthy and alive.

P.S: Don't matchmake me with anybody please! I am very displeased with Singaporean men already!

fun things to come!!

Yesterday I hung out with my poly buddies and watched Madagascar 2, and it was hilariously good and watching it was a blast. Before the movie we ate Japanese food for lunch and after the movie we went shopping for clothes. I bought a grey long-sleeved blouse which came with scarf, and I loved the sleeves a lot, because they were long and it covers my hands. When my mum got home and showed it to her, she didn't like it, and said it looked bad because I was big-sized. I got a little sad, but she told me it could be the shirt that didn't go with the blouse that made it look bad. Thanks mum, bringing me back to the reality that I have to desperately loose weight to look better in clothes! I know that! Geez...

Come next week, there is a Anime Festival Asia (AFA), and I wanna go and see what they sell at the fair, and some of the events like cosplay, and even see some of the storyboards of some animes! I hope I can go, but the following week is a presentation for our project. I guess we should prepare early so we will not be so nervous on the actual day itself. I am crossing my fingers and I hope the presentation will go smoothly.

P.S: Work hard, play hard. DO NOT SLACK!!

bad school day today.

Today was quite a bad day, as one of my teammates had problems with her part of the project, and I felt so helpless when I couldn't help her out in anyway at all. I mean, I felt like I didn't ask her if she needed any help, and just did my own thing. When she said she had problems, it struck me, the fact that I wasn't being sensitive to her. She asked me about what are the thing to be included in her part of the project, I couldn't answer her, and everything seemed that it was not planned well-enough and beforehand. Somehow, I felt I could do much more, and I regret how things came to such a state. I tried being the leader, and I think I got bad grades on it. I always felt that I was a follower and not a leader, and this feeling is still inside of me.

I guess this was the most helpless day of my entire life. I should take the initiative more often, and ask my teammates now and then how and what what is their progress and if they faced any problems. I am totally DUMBFOUNDED by myself today, and I really hope that things can turn out for the better tomorrow.

realisation [2.0]

For the past few weeks I have been watching this Chinese show called "Life Transformers", whereby two of the local celebrities, along with volunteer workers went to different homes, and tried to change the lives of the people in these homes. Some of these homes were dirty, disorganized and the people who stayed in these homes, have so much of a story to tell. Tonight's episode was of a family of five, and the youngest child, a girl, contracted status epilepticus and is getting fits all the time, and this year she is just 26 years old. It all began with a high fever that went on for two weeks, and she got into contact with a virus that inflicted damage on the brain. Her story was sad, but her parents was the most noble in tonight's episode. Their care for her is so overwhelmingly touching, that some of the volunteers on the show cried, and I cried too. The volunteers come from all walks of life, there was one volunteer that was only 17, and I felt that he has accomplished so much for his age, and I feel that I didn't accomplish that many myself. There was a 60 year old lady who scrubbed the toilet and the kitchen of the home, that I realised all those cleaning and I scrubbing that I did for my own bathroom was easy-peasy. I am quite sad I didn't realise these things sooner.

Not just tonight's episode, the ones I saw before also moved me and definitely brought me to tears. After watching these episodes, I am really grateful and fortunate that I am healthy (although I am on the heavy side), and that I can run, walk, and talk easily. I will start loving myself more, as well as others, and be grateful that I have such a nice and comfortable house that my mum and The Lord has provided for me, and I realised that my life is not as bad as I thought it would be. I am really glad for what I had in the past, and what I have in the present. I will continue to watch the series, and see what I can learn from these people, be it from those families, or the volunteers that helped them. I really grateful this day, and for the rest of my days to come.

realisation.

I managed to watch a few Japanese animation movies for the past two weeks and just last saturday and sunday, and I came to realize something. That was the kind of animation I wanted to do and learn, but my course didn't cover that at all, and instead I was stuck with programming. The few animated movies I watched were so realistic, with the cloud in the skies, to the backgrounds and the effects. They were so fantastic and awesome to watch, and I realized that through the course of the three years of study, I had to throw that dream of making my own animation down the drain. After watching the movies, I feel like going to Japan to actually learn the art, and seriously, I felt like I was duped into the course. The "animation" aspect in my course was so little, it was as though I almost didn't learn anything at all. I felt so sad that I didn't get to learn about that type of animation during these three years, and I am ready to leave the industry.

My mum also told me to head to Japan to do/learn this kind of animation and even stay in the country (looks like she intends to throw me out because I didn't help her with the housework). Shopping in Japan is so expensive, much less to say about staying or even studying there. Looks like my dream of being a animator is officially over.

Geez. Just like that. I hate this feeling.

worst day ever!!

Yesterday night, I applied pimple cream on my face. This morning, after I showered and left the house for school, waited for the shuttle bus service the school, and finally reached the classroom, my face started to itch real bad. My entire face was red and hot, and I felt like going home, plus at that time my menstrual cramps were acting up too. My friends looked at my face and asked me what happened and I just told them the whole story. I was certain that pimple cream had not expired, because before I threw the box after I bought it, I looked hard at the expiry date on the box. Since this was the second time that it happened, I figured it wasn't the work of the deadly combination of Japanese milk tea and marshmallows, as I didn't eat or drank anything like that yesterday(read Oct 2008's post!!). I couldn't stand the itch, so I left school early, right after I had lunch with my friends and head for the doctor's near my home.

I was advised to throw the pimple cream away, and was prescribed with some medicine. I have to take a few tablets and apply a cream on my face, and what the doctor made sense, that if it was the food, I should have rashes all over. It's still itching right now at this moment, and I was warned by my friend not to rashly and recklessly apply anything on your face...NOW I KNOW!!!
The scratching is making my face dry and I am very tempted to tear the skin off my face out, and maybe prank everybody in school with that face...haha. My other friend made fun of me, saying my boyfriend(which I don't even have) ate chilli crab and gave me a kiss and made my face all red. Very funny, but this incident is indeed still laughable..... T-T

P.S: I am in quite a lot of pain now, itching and everything, but thank goodness my face is not as red as compared to the morning. Plus I took MC and six hours off school to combat this rash...wahaha

hooked!!

For the last two saturdays, I have been watching Inuyasha movies on TV. The following two saturdays, the TV channel will still be showing Inuyasha movies!! Can't wait to watch all the movies!!

I am also hooked on mitarashi dango (glutinous rice balls with soy sauce) which I will head down to the Japanese market at Isetan once month to get it. These are my favorite treats from Japan and they taste really good!!

Wahahaha!!! I am really ecstatic!!