Realization - of myself being an individual who rather run than put a fight with the obstacles right in front of me. These few days I have been feeling really tired and sick of studying. I know why I have to study but I just don't have the right motivation. I see the purpose, but the end or the finish line is nowhere in sight. I am still contemplating if studying was the right choice in the first place and whether it is what I really wanted to do. Some people in school just saw the need to get a degree and may neglect what they really want to do in life, and sadly enough this was one of my initial thoughts as well. However, I am convinced now that since this degree is something that I had started, I should try my best to see it to the finish. Recently, I feel like a 'loner', sometimes I feel like a bad person (making fun of some random people, and giggling at some really bad times) and being really insensitive. (Darn - why are human beings wired to be selfish and individualistic?!). I am not sure if I am ready for adulthood while still having the mindset and the mannerisms of a child and/or teenager, but everyone has to grow up someday. The past few years of my life have been really bad and depressing. I found out some huge revelations and got some new phobias in the process. Disappointed and sad - but its all over now. I should work towards finishing my studies now, that should be my main priority, responsibility and the solution to the never ending emptiness that can never be resolved.
On a lighter note the rusty aspect. My verbal skills are getting really bad, and my mental processing is really slow nowadays. I don't know what's happening!! (sigh) Plus, my stationary clips are rusty and super disgusting. (proves to show nothing last forever!!) Oh well.
Note to self: WORK HARD!! Another 2 - 3 months and this semester would be over!!! FIGHTING
