responsibilities!!!

I see my Mum writing cheques to pay off the utilities for the house, my internet bill and other stuff. I wonder when would it be my turn, and I suddenly feel an increased amount of pressure and that I don't wanna go into adulthood that quickly. I want to take over all the bills so that she doesn't need to work so hard, and in order to do so I would have to get a "very" good job in the future. Thus I am mentally prepared to study my hardest when I get to start pursuing my degree. BUT...I have yet to receive the letter stating my enrolment, and I am starting to get a little worried. I don't wanna get my hopes too high, but I really look forward to studying since the economy is so bad and I haven't really gotten a job yet. I have already thought of what I wanna buy when I start the school term - like a new bag and other things.

I don't know what I will do if I don't get a spot in the university. T-T...I guess I have to pray harder because I have done my part - like the results from my polytechnic and my secondary school, so this enrolment thing is all in God's hands. I always ask my Mum to open the letter box to see if I get any letter from the university but I haven't, and I hate the waiting. Geez... I need to have more patience.

Wish me luck and pray for me!!! :P

singapore is so small!!

Today I went back to school to collect my diploma and my academic transcripts. I received all the relevant documents, the round-shaped cardboard thingy (like the ones you get at your kindergarten graduation and uni graduation), plus a book which states the name of all the other students from every course that graduated in the same year as you. On the way back home, I flipped through the book, to see if my primary and secondary school classmates/schoolmates managed to graduate and see what kind of courses they actually took. I flipped through and I saw a name I haven't seen for the last 7 years. It was the name of my primary school classmate, whom I had a crush on eons ago. I had no idea he had attended the same polytechnic as me. That's why I said Singapore is so small that you would at least meet somebody that you know from before at like almost everywhere you go.

I hope CL (some of my poly friends should know about him) didn't even look at the book and start teasing me, since he knows I have a major crush on that guy back when I was in primary school. It would be quite embarrassing for me if he were to do such a thing to me. Now I don't feel anything for that guy but I was quite surprised when I saw his name. Haha..lucky for me that I didn't bump into him at school, if not I wouldn't know how to talk to him if he came up to talk to me. HAHAH!!!

food frenzy!!!

Just last week when I went grocery shopping with my Mum, we picked out a bottle of kimchi as I really like the kimchi at my foodcourt, so we bought it. Now I am hooked on it, without eating any rice, I eat it like an appetizer. My Mum thought it was hot but I thought it was okay. So I guess I can go to Korea and eat kimchi without any worries? I think I still can't handle chilli though, and that recent Malaysia trip made me learn about my chilli limit. My friend handled me this chicken skin that looked crispy and lethal - a piece of really red deep fried chicken skin. I put it in my mouth, and I could feel its lethality. It was so freakin' hot that my friends said that my face had turned red, and I could feel that my face was getting hot. Man, that was some kickass spicy piece of chicken skin!!! But it was kinda funny though, and they still offered that tiny piece, despite the fact that my friend beside was drinking so much water to cool the "heat" off. (Thanks ah..haha)

With the swine flu creating chaos in the world, I was so freaked out and I wanted to be a vegetarian. I am never gonna eat pork, and out of fun my Mum randomly asked what we possible eat these days.

Beef - Mad cow diease; Pork - Swine Flu; Poultry- Bird Flu; Fish (especially those white fish in your fish & chips) - contaminted and probably pumped with some lethal stuff. I am really scared of eating meat now and I am comfortable with my vegetables since I like to eat them. Many people will die because of swine flu and I am freaking out because it's worse than SARS and Bird Flu.

I sincerely pray that this whole infection will die out like now. Seriously.

sick.

For the past few days I have been down with cough and flu. Remember that week that my paternal granddad past away? The next few days of that week I felt so lousy and I ate half a bag of potato chips. I can't remember whether I drank water or not, and I wore a singlet to sleep in an air-con room. So you can guess what happened next right. Yes - a (very) dry throat and a alternated runny nostrils. The worst hit of the year, and I haven't gotten sick for so long. I self-medicated with Febs and a sea-coconut cough mixture. I am currently feeling better.

Sorry for any appointments that I couldn't attend with my friends. I'm really sick.

I don't think I am going for my grad ceremony because it would be so long until I go on stage, and we have to report like so early in the morning (8:45am - are you kidding me?!). I don't mind waiting for a few more days to get my diploma, as I really hate ceremonies and I hate going up on stage and besides I can't picture myself wearing that gown. So yeah, I am really not going for my graduation, and I think my Mum will sleep in her seat waiting for me to go up on stage. Hahaha...

*PS: Remember that time I mentioned at RH that my mens was 3 months long, actually it was over a month, that incident was quite long ago and it was in secondary school or primary school and plus my memory is getting really really bad these days. I actually double-checked with my Mum and she actually remembered. Hehe

final farewells.

Yesterday was the last day of my granddad's wake. Many of my relatives cried, and I did too, when I walked around the coffin for the last time. My granddad was the one person I look forward to seeing every CNY, and I think next year I won't have much to look forward to when I visit my Dad's side of the family. On the bus to the crematorium - I realised one fact. The soul of my granddad has gone where he needs to be and that body that they are crying over is just an empty shell. It was a very emotional time for them when the coffin was seen going into the furnace.

My brother told me my grandmother's cofffin had flames surrounding it when it was wheeled into the furnace. If we had seen a furnace yesterday - my relatives will cry really bad.

I applied for SIM yesterday and luckily my brother was with me because I think I will be so clueless on how to go about applying for a spot. If I am accepted there will be other things to do and I will probably start school in August. I am convinced I have to study really hard to get through the whole 3 years of the course.

When I got home after everything, I realised I had a bruise of the size of 2 twenty-cent coins. I think I exerted too much force when I was kneeling on the floor when the coffin had to be closed. It hurt and a few years ago I fell on a "long-kang" cover which was made of metal and the impact was on my knee, so I hope nothing serious happened to my kneecap. I was so tired yesterday I felt so lethargic and I just lazed around, maybe I will just do that for the next few days. I was in a pretty lousy mood yesterday - and I didn't know why.

Gotta pack my room and throw some stuff, maybe I will feel better after that.

Surrounded.

For the past two decades of my life, I feel I have been surrounded by death. My Dad just notified me that my grandfather just past away, who is my Dad's father. I just saw him on CNY this year, and he still looked pretty good despite the fact of being about to go blind in one eye. This is just too sudden. I can say that he is the person I looked forward to seeing every CNY from my Dad's side of the family. I am definitely sad at his passing, but I don't think I would cry because I know the feeling of losing a grandparent already.

For the past ten years of my life, I have been attending funerals. My first one was probably my grandmother from my Mum's side. Then my secondary school's prinicipal's Dad. Moving on was my secondary school friend's boyfriend's Dad, I didn't really go for the funeral though, so I heard about his passing through word of mouth. Most recently in the year 2007 was my grandfather from my Mum's side. I can easily relate to the feeling of losing a relative, so I hope I won't cry that badly. I haven't told Mum yet, but I really hope that she would attend the funeral, due to the fact that my grandfather was once her father-in-law.

Suddenly for today - I feel that lives are so fragile. One moment you could be living, and next you could drop dead. I have realised that even before today. I have to live my life to the fullest without any regrets, that is for sure.

Dad will notify me of the arrangements soon, and I hope that my younger cousins won't be too emotional. I suppose my grandfather led a happy but tough life - and has at least seen his great-grandson before he left. I will definitely miss him and I will pray for him.

Grad Trip - Success!!

Just went on my graduation trip with my poly friends - Malaysia; Genting and KL. We ate and drank kinda a lot most of the time and went for karaoke. Karaoke was fun, and now I know why people like doing it.

It was my first official trip on friends on our own and I enjoyed it a lot. I learned a lot of things about myself and my friends during the course of the trip. I was kind of insensitive and selfish at certain points and I realised how vulnerable I was - that I have a very sensitive nose and a mind that always thinks too much. I didn't buy a lot of things, but the experience was the most valuable of them all. I feel that I am more open-minded, and I guess my barrier with the opposite sex is not so great anymore as we had a guy among four other girls, and I hope making friends with both genders should be okay from now on. I can smile to strangers more, and I feel happier emotionally. I really learnt a lot about myself this time round.

I was glad to be part of the experience. Can't wait to go on a trip again, and discover more. I am afraid that after graduating we would meet less since everybody would be busy living their lives out of poly but I hope not. We do have a lot in common. Thanks for the experience guys.