weak!!

I am so weak!! Today when they told me to make payment, I could not even stand up and be firm towards the lecturer. After the lecturer left the room, and I was faced with someone from the organizing committee, I could not answer back and when my friend related my situation to that someone, I broke down in tears. I don't know, but I haven't thought of what happened to my family for so long, and when my friend mentioned it, I felt something jerked up from inside of me.

OH WELL - that jolly went well indeed. DARN.

I feel so bloody weak, and I think if someone threw a punch at me, I won't retaliate. Nowadays I don't get angry that easily, but on the other hand, I tend to cry more. If someone attempts to pierce my bubble very hard(or even try to squeeze my pimple/pull my white hairs), I could just scream into their face and they could fly miles away. I guess the less you get angry, you would get real mad if someone really intimidated or annoyed you. Just that one occasion would make the difference, and I am already morphing into that kind of person now. I'm warning those who really piss me off, or try to piss me off !! (especially that vegetable's group)

I'm gonna catch Oprah on Sunday on the Hallmark channel that talks about divorce, to see and feel how other individuals look at that matter, and see how and what they go through. This program could very well bring my recuperation process to full circle, and that I could just finally move on with my life. I would need to pray about it too.

Learning to program in Flash CS3 is kinda making me stronger, as I have to get really stubborn and look for more tutorials. It's an obstacle, but I hope I won't give up on the battle without trying to fight it. I hope to get more help though, but even the "GOD" of programming does not use this version of the program. The "GOD" I am talking about is this Vietnamese friend who actually taught himself programming and he is real diligent. (pout) If only he had learned this version of flash...(exhales deeply)

Ending the day here. I wanna wake up early to learn programming and do the report. Aiyaiyai...